


Fact of Life

by BlackVelvet42



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff, Light Angst, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Replicators Are Nice, Resolved Sexual Tension, Shameless Smut, The Betting Pool
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-10
Updated: 2017-02-10
Packaged: 2018-09-23 07:13:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9645827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackVelvet42/pseuds/BlackVelvet42
Summary: "But as the character pounded on her, handsome and angled just the way she liked it, all she could do was lie there, her mind whirling with too much wine and disgust and bitterness over the fact that this was all she was ever going to get."





	

Kathryn startled awake panting. The heavenly weight of a lover on her, inside her, vanishing. The exquisite tightness gathered in her core instantly weakening. The promise of a massive orgasm fading into ripples. _Please, just this once._ Her hand seeking her wet center, desperately rubbing the swollen, needy flesh, in vain. All so familiar, usually followed by a sob or a growl, but this time a numbness. The rest of her warm sleep dissipating, leaving her empty and alone in the dark, silent quarters and a bed too big for one.

 

She hadn't anticipated this. They never mentioned it at the Academy. They never even joked about it at drunken cadet night outs. And she wondered for the thousandth time how all the other captains had managed. But she knew her situation, their situation, was different than any other in Starfleet history. This was not a mission lasting weeks or months, they were not in the familiar space of the Alpha Quadrant, there were no meetings with loved ones on space stations, and there was no likes of Risa. They were on their own, in an unknown quadrant proven to be unpredictable and often hostile. If they wanted to survive and if she wanted to deliver her promise to her crew to get them home she needed to be an outstanding captain first and nothing beyond that. It was easy in the beginning. She had carried the captains' pips with pride, willingly sacrificing her life to this single goal, this unique mission so clearly laid out in front of her. However, there was a part of her that refused to remain dormant and that part was getting more insistent as the months turned into years.

 

Witnessing others pair off was bittersweet. Fervent kisses ending as the lift doors opened, subtle touches and whispers in corridors as she passed by, gazes full of desire at dinner in the mess hall. She expected nothing less, it was human and she wanted them to be happy. Their journey could take decades or it could end tomorrow to the next alien attack too powerful to defeat. But she didn't have that luxury, of removing the captain and giving into her urges. So she tried to view her needs as purely physical, something that should to be taken care of like hunger or fatigue. Her own hands weren't much of use. She'd never been very good at pleasuring herself. Even with powerful images feeding her arousal her fingers lacked the intensity to bring her anywhere close to coming. There was also this primal need to be filled. If back home they decided to review her personal replicator files, they would conclude that she was one horny captain with some curious choices of free time activities. Nothing seemed to fire her up. Engaging some sufficiently attractive alien on shore leaves was risky. Too risky as she learned after a couple of times and not worth the disappointment and loathing that came afterwards. There was so much excitement about that part of space travel and she couldn't see why.

 

That left her with the holodeck. A valid choice that even the Doctor had recommended as he had accidentally learned about her inconvenience. Everything a person would ever want from a partner or the surroundings, anything she could imagine to program, securely behind the privacy locks. That was another hype she couldn't comprehend. She counted trying it over fifty times so far, all with the same ending. Abruptly terminating the program, sickened by the whole scene, and vowing never to try it again. She just couldn't get over the fact that it wasn't real. That she was actually in a small room filled with photons and even though it seemed real – looked, sounded, smelled, tasted, felt real – it wasn't. The emptiness that engulfed her as the setting faded to reveal the cold hologrid was excruciating. She did see it through a few times though, filling herself with liquid encouragement first and adding a couple of random variables to make it seem more authentic. But as the character pounded on her, handsome and angled just the way she liked it, all she could do was lie there, her mind whirling with too much wine and disgust and bitterness over the fact that this was all she was ever going to get.

 

And then there was Chakotay. Her perfect first officer with his beautiful imperfections, who came into her life unexpected, filling a void she didn't know existed. Supporting her, balancing her, grounding her, always near but never closer than she allowed. She knew he loved her, of course she knew. He was not the kind to keep his feelings hidden, yet didn't force them on her either. And after New Earth she knew exactly how easy it would be to fall in love him too. That was something she most definitely couldn't afford, to prioritize any member of her crew above others. So she kept him at arm’s length, valuing his presence in her life and hating herself for the hurt look in his eyes, waiting and dreading the day he would give up and wrap his love around someone else, someone more worthy. Keeping the tender feelings at bay was feasible as loving him was absolutely out of the question. But the lust he awakened in her, fueling every fantasy she indulged in alone in her bed, was unruly and treacherous. Sometimes she feared he knew, that he saw her arousal at the end of their dinners, heard her cry out his name as she struggled for relief after he'd left. If he knew or suspected, he never said anything and never tried to push their relationship beyond the boundaries she had defined.

 

She had always regarded her sexuality as a source of strength, something that invigorated her in pursuing all important goals in life. Not so much the act of sex itself but the energy, optimism, resourcefulness, and confidence that arose from the hormones circling through her. A satisfying love life completed the package and in all she was rather pleased with how everything worked out for her. Finding herself in a situation where she had to restrain those needs, her sexuality suddenly a problem, took her completely by surprise. Life became unbearable. At first it was only a few days in the middle of her cycle, the aching hunger so hard to endure when she had no way to satisfy it. She used plenty of holodeck time, fighting Klingons and climbing mountains and running until her lungs burned and legs gave out. But as the true needs of her body were neglected the lustful days increased. One day she realized she was in constant heat three quarters of the month – and the remaining month so frustrated and angry she could demolish planets with all the pent-up energy. Fortunately, those were the weeks that they had encountered the Kazon, the Vidiians, and eventually the Borg, and by that time she already knew how to aim her wrath in a beneficial manner. Even so, the inner struggle was exhausting and pointless, and she was increasingly taking unnecessary, life-threatening risks. Either she had to solve this issue or she needed to give up her captaincy.

 

She was left with little choice. Reluctantly she went to see the Doctor, submitting herself to intrusive, humiliating questions and scans, but walking out with a cure of sorts. An injection to be taken regularly, to suppress and modify her hormone levels to better meet the demands of her everyday life. She was hopeful. It seemed so easy, why hadn't she thought about this before? However, after six more different chemical cocktails coursing through her veins and mixing up her already unstable existence they decided in mutual understanding to call it quits. Breakthroughs in medical science were immense yet didn't extend to precisely altering personality on a fundamental level. The medication did have an effect though. It transformed her into something she couldn't recognize. She was serene and content, the demands of her body silenced, able to focus solely on her work, but also passive and uncertain. Her vitality, her essence, gone. At that point Chakotay did come to her, terribly concerned that something was seriously wrong, offering to help her however he could.

 

With the hormones still washing out of her system and her mind in a state of flux, his questions and compassion felt too much to handle. But avoiding him was difficult. He cornered her and she was too weak to decline so she found herself having dinner at his quarters. Somewhere after a glass of wine and his constant closeness and tender care lulling her to a comfortable relaxation it seemed appropriate to just blurt it out, "I need sex." His expression remained neutral, prompting her to continue, and she ended up pouring out all her embarrassing misery. The loneliness when she woke up in the morning, the long weeks when not one person touched her, the envy of the numerous romances blossoming on board, the fear of being forever alone, the nights spent sweating in a futile attempt to find release, the experiments to ease the accumulating pressure, the endless frustration and anger consuming her, compromising the one thing that meant most to her. She talked in length and detail and when she finally finished she realized he hadn't said a word. His face was still unreadable but he couldn't hide the pain and resentment in his voice. "So what is it you want from me? One good fuck or a longer arrangement?" It dawned to her then, only too late, how all this would sound to him. How incredibly insulting, how painfully demeaning. Over the years he had offered her his love, his life, his everything, and now she approached him seeking something so much less, so trivial that she had first turned to strangers and holo-characters. "No, I... That's not what I meant. I didn't ask for anything," she stumbled with her words but saw that the damage was already done. She had hurt him in the worst possible way and not even realizing it. This was exactly why captains were advised to hold on to their privacy. "I should leave."

 

Worn out after another endless night filled with little sleep and a lot of regret they met at the lift to begin their day. Awkwardness hung heavy in the air and she could not find a word to say to him. So this was how it was going to be from now on? One truth admitted and her most meaningful relationship on this cursed journey was lost? Suddenly he halted the lift and turned to face her, leaning close to her ear, overwhelming her with his warmth and masculine scent. "I didn't say no, Kathryn. Your quarters, 1900 hours, don't bother with dinner." Her face lost its color, breath caught in her lungs, his blunt words sending her into instant overdrive. It was longest shift ever. She couldn't sit still and she couldn't concentrate on anything useful. Words on PADDs, words of her crew, words from her own lips, all going unregistered. What exactly did he promise? Was he really going to do this, was she, were they? She had way too much time to think about it but even though she expected herself to waver, to remember all the reasons why they shouldn't, and retreat before her first morning coffee, all she found herself thinking was which clothes would be the fastest to tear off and would they end up on the floor or her bed.

 

He chimed at her door right on time with a playful smile and sparkling eyes. He said her name soft as a dream but she was tensed up so tight she rushed to the replicator asking if he'd care for a drink. Her heart was pounding wildly, palms sweating, breathing fast and shallow, sure she'd faint. He followed right behind her, taking her by the shoulders and pressing her against the wall. Covering her in a warm nest with his larger frame he gently took her hand, slowly grazing her inner wrist with his thumb. After the long deprivation every sensation seemed to be heightened, her every nerve ending fine-tuned to him. His light touch on her skin felt like fire, running up along her arm, igniting her entire being. Blood rushing in her ears she was trembling with need, squirming with anticipation but he only continued his gentle caress. Exactly what part of fucking did this man not understand? Was she not clear last night in explaining what she wanted? She was not sixteen, she didn't need to hold hands. Hell, she didn't need anything except him inside her as soon as possible. Her thoughts must have been written all over her face since his voice was slightly amused. "Let me break the ice, Kathryn. I'm not making love with you this evening." _What? Why?!_ Her face dropped in disappointment and he continued in a soothing tone, "But I will make you come." And how was he going to do that? Should she explain to him again that she didn't climax easily, that she needed some serious stimulation before she was even near her peak? He seemed confident though. He raised her hand to his lips, taking one finger at a time into his warm, wet mouth, sucking each with an intensity that echoed instantly low in her belly. Stunned, she stared at his mouth, his lips doing to her fingers all the wonderful things she wanted to be done on every part of her. He slid his leg between her thighs, holding her securely between him and the bulkhead. She could feel his hardness growing against her and instinctively thrust her hips closer, the friction against her mound drawing a whimper from her. He released her fingers and claimed her lips in the same sweet and lingering manner and her eyelids fluttered closed. Had she ever been kissed quite like this? Their lips molded together and moved in perfect tandem, their tongues dancing, tasting, exploring the depths of another. It was divine torture. She was madly aroused, her breath coming in erratic huffs, grasping his jacket, and grinding her soaked crotch against his leg. And she knew they weren't going to make it to bed, they weren't even making it to the floor. The tightness in her core grew faster than she had thought possible and she came then and there, humping on him, her ass pressing against the replicator, with a strangled cry. He kept kissing her as the tremors of her blissed release shook her, until the dizziness faded enough for her to stand on her own two feet again. "Same time tomorrow?" he asked with a shaky voice and all she could do was nod.

 

When she opened her eyes the next morning she knew something was wrong. Well, not wrong, but certainly different. She felt strangely relaxed. Going through her morning routines everything was somehow easier, to move, to think, to breathe. The world seemed a better place, the future brighter, her responsibilities lighter. Anything felt possible. Seeing him on the bridge, all shaved and showered, greeting her good morning, caused a momentary embarrassment and uncertainty whether last night should be something viewed with regret or gratitude. But then she remembered his mouth and wondered what those full lips would feel like closing in on her breasts and sucking her into oblivion. He was remarkably calm and efficient, concentrating on his work, not giving away one hint that anything had changed between the command team. She, on the other hand, was blushing, throbbing, and soaking wet just thinking about him, her mind creating a vivid non-stop display of endless possibilities how he would have his way with her. She was shifting in her command chair restless with the waiting, nervous when he was near and aching when he was not. By lunchtime it was obvious to every person on the bridge that something was definitely going on.

 

She didn't concern herself with clothes. What would be the point? He knew she was a sure bet and she wanted to feel him everywhere with no excuse for delaying or leaving the job half done. So she put on her satin robe and nothing beneath it. If he had thought about taking it slow and teasing her again, his resolution crumbled at the sight of her, ripping his composure into shreds. Eyes dark with desire he stepped closer and opened the robe with trembling hands, revealing her painfully aroused body, hardened nipples and wet curls between her thighs, heaving chest and feverish eyes. All of her just waiting for him. She felt a moment of self-consciousness as he pushed the garment off her shoulders, leaving her completely exposed. But his gaze was devouring her nakedness and he pulled her closer more harshly than he probably intended. With a swift movement he turned her around and pushed her against the chair. A heady shiver moved down her spine in triumph. He was going to bend her over and drive into her, hard and demanding. Fresh moist gathering she tilted her hips and parted her legs slightly, preparing to be entered. She could hear him take a sharp gasp, his voice raw and strained, "Don't. Don't tempt me." She stopped breathing and held still. His hesitation was palpable, his hands lingering on her hips, hovering on the verge of letting go whatever plan he had previously made and just giving her what her body was screaming for. He seemed to find strength for a decision and moved again, sliding his arms around her, one strong hand cupping her breast and the other finding her center, moisture already dripping down her thighs, and his lips nibbling their way to the tender spot on her neck. A surge of pleasure shot through her. Her head fell back and a long moan escaped her lips in rapture, pressing her behind hard against his groin. How did she ever think she could live without this? The simultaneous attack on her most sensitive parts soon turned her moans into sharp cries of ecstasy, her body shaking uncontrollably with pleasure too strong to hold within. He brought her over the edge with such ease and just before her mind went blank she wondered how all this glory had always been right next to her, waiting. _If only I had known._ He held her tight through every sweet shudder and helpless sigh, breathing hot and heavy into her hair. She could feel his erection hard and pulsing beneath the thick uniform. This was so unfair. She'd got two earth-shattering orgasms so far while he had none. She turned and reached down between them, touching his hardness through the pants, feeling up his size with delight. His eyes widened in surprise and he swallowed hard. "Would you consider taking me now?" she asked as her hand stroked his length in a strong and steady rhythm. But he was too far gone a form coherent sentences. He was grabbing her for balance and between the gasps and the grunts she could hear him voice something about giving her time to think and reconsider, which was silly really, but somehow it seemed to be very important to him and endearing in a way. So she continued pleasuring him with her hand, sucking his earlobe and whispering all the things she wanted to do with him. She enjoyed his persistence to hold on to some kind of restraint under her ministrations, until the point where it was torn down with a hoarse cry, his body violently convulsing against her. He was so beautiful. She would gladly do this to him again any day. She watched him come down from his high and kissed him tenderly. "Same time tomorrow?" she asked, grinning at his absent-minded bliss.

 

She knew tonight he would not hold himself back and it made her both thrilled and worried. The look on his face when he had said goodnight and the way he had wobbled out of her quarters left her smiling for a long time. The following morning on the bridge he had stayed seated by her side perhaps fifteen minutes before he excused himself to some minor task in engineering and tried to avoid her all day. For a moment she was concerned that he might have second thoughts about their plans. But every time their paths crossed, his jaw clenched and his face turned hard and hungry, looking at her like she was already lying naked spread out beneath him being fucked like never before. Oh, he was going to ravage her and she was going to savor every frenzied moment. But there was another voice in her head, although weak, reminding her that they hadn't really talked at all after that first night. Deep down, their goals were very different and she had a strong feeling one of them was going to get hurt.

 

When the time arrived she wasn't nearly as confident as she hoped to be. But if she had assumed him to attack her with no self-control, she couldn’t have been more wrong. He made no attempt to veil behind his lust the fact that he was there because he loved her, that he was laying his heart open to her. His eyes were soft and unguarded as he cupped her face in his hands, taking his time to kiss her deep and slow. She sensed his passion was mingled with a kind of sadness like he was expecting this to be the first and the last time. Despite her previous rush she gladly let him set the pace as he undressed her with dedication. She relished his gentle touches, bathed in the sweetness of his attention, _his love_. He carried her to bed but didn’t join her, only removed the rest of his clothes until he stood there, at the end of her bed, gloriously naked and waited. Waited for her to look at him and truly see him. All these years she had only ever given him so little and promised him absolutely nothing. Still he was there, offering himself completely all over again, even though he had every reason to believe she would only take what she needed and reject him again. _He must be the bravest man I know. If I was even half that brave._ Her eyes roamed over his manly frame taking in every delicious detail, soon settling on his full erection, the reality outweighing her boldest dreams. She licked her lips in a haze. She was going to have that inside her. He seemed to be thinking the same thing but with hesitancy as he scanned the smallness of her body. _No, please, please, don't back off!_ She could take it, every thick inch to the hilt and each forceful thrust for as long as he could. Nudging her legs gently apart he lowered his face and covered her inner thighs with open-mouthed kisses. Utterly confused she realized he was still delaying. But with the first touch of his tongue on her overheated flesh she decided she could wait just a while longer. _Did it ever feel this good, with anyone?_ She was whimpering, fisting the sheets, her back arched as he licked and sucked her while his fingers were plunging reverently deep inside her. Then he added a third finger and she understood he was readying her for him. A thundering orgasm took over and in the midst of the whirl there was a warm flutter in her heart. _How can anyone be so thoughtful?_ And then he was finally there, sliding up her body to face her, the taste of her on his lips. He brought her hands above their heads and pinned her tightly to the bed by her wrists and the weight of his body. A hot clench of lust struck deep in her, wild heat pooling in her core. _Does he know this is my favorite fantasy?_ His strong body controlling her, bending her to his will, forcing her to take him in. Looking at her deep in the eyes he settled between her thighs and started pushing in, slowly stretching her to her limits, holding her writhing body firmly in place. _Can one die of too much pleasure?_ She tried so hard to cope with the flood of sensations but she was drowning. Drowning into his ebony eyes, the feeling of him filling her, gasping for air, the intensity of the moment washing over her. And as she felt him buried inside her all the way, closer to her than anyone had been in years or a lifetime, an uncontrollable sob burst out of her, tears suddenly clouding her vision. She was horrified by her reaction but he didn't seem too surprised. He smiled at her with all his love shining in his eyes, kissed her forehead and began to move. That’s when it hit her. This man knew her thoroughly and loved her unconditionally, willing to give her anything and everything. There was a thought, a feeling, emerging, but it was lost as her focus drifted back to where their bodies were joined. Every slow thrust brought him deeper, sending her spiraling higher to a heaven she knew for a fact had never ever felt even close to this. "Come with me, please," she heard herself beg in a weak voice as she felt her climax approach, and he did. Rocking together, breathing into each others mouths, eyes locked until the world exploded and there was nothing more. She stirred in the middle of the night to the bed shifting and felt a kiss in her hair. She thought it was followed by an “I love you”, but when she woke up the next morning alone in her cold bed she wasn't sure anymore.

 

They didn't talk about it or much of anything the next day and he didn't show up at her door in the evening. She waited for hours and asked the computer repeatedly his whereabouts. He was at his quarters but didn't come to her. She knew he wasn’t going to make a move. The decision was all hers but she was scared. Of what it would mean if she did go to him. Another day passed and she was choking on the aching tightness around her chest, unshed tears stinging behind her lids. The ship was running as it always had. The world didn’t end because of what they did. If anyone suspected something to be happening between the command team they had the decency to keep it to themselves. The atmosphere on the bridge was relaxed but hard-working and Chakotay was as balanced, focused, and helpful as ever. Why was this so difficult even though he had made it so easy? If she wanted everything could go on just as before, they could act like none of this ever happened. Or she could have him and her life would feel worth living again. And maybe, just maybe, she would still be a captain worthy of all the trust her crew had placed in her.

 

At 1910 hours that evening a young Ensign was passing by the Commander's quarters at just the right time to witness a passionate scene. The Captain, all flushed and out of breath, running through the open doors, leaping on the amazed Commander and tripping them both, tumbling on the floor. The Ensign swore she heard the Captain cry out the exact words "I love you so much, Chakotay, I don't ever want to be apart,“ as she straddled him and the Commander replying with an equally fiery ”God, Kathryn, I love you too, so very much." She kissed him with feverish urgency and he rolled her over, impatient hands pulling clothes off in haste. Then the doors slid shut and she blushed vigorously having seen something so intimate. She considered perhaps a full ten seconds whether to do her duty or what was right, before concluding they were, in fact, the very same thing. She contacted her three best friends – and Tom Paris. By the rights of a senior officer he readily checked her story. As the main computer indeed confirmed that both the Captain and the Commander were at the Commander's quarters and in such close proximity that it couldn't tell the difference between their precise locations, Tom announced the betting pool closed. The lucky winner to receive the gigantic amount of rations, minus Tom's ten percent, was found on deck 4 with plenty of new friends as the news had spread all over the ship in about twenty minutes. In no time at all there was a spontaneous celebration for both the long awaited union of their commanding officers and the equally much hoped closing of the longest running and most valuable betting pool on their journey. Giving the exceptional occasion and the generous host offering free replicator access, everyone thought some festivities were in order and acceptable without further authorization. For a moment Tom entertained the idea of comming the Captain but was quickly talked out of it. Those two were such a beautiful couple and, just like everyone else, deserved some privacy and happiness.


End file.
